Archive for the ‘Rapid Fire Reviews’ Category
Or – “Hey, Vent! You Ready To Move Out?”
When you read monthly comic books the way that I do, often times you get to the point where you feel like you know what’s coming, when every title feels like you’ve read it before. On the other hand, you have the odd experience where you read a title or issues that you KNOW you’ve read before, but you cannot for the life of you remember how it’s supposed to end. With over a hundred monthly titles coming out, sometimes you need to play catchup, you need to go where everybody knows your name to the land of the Rapid Fire Revieeeeewwww!
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Or – “Most People Don’t Know That His Full Name Is Manuel Labór.”
So, I have completed my daily labors, overseeing the dozen fellers and gals what make up the current workgroup to call themselves Team RamRod (”See, you’re Arkot Ramathorn… Ram. And I’m Rodney Farva… Rod. Team RamRod!”) and I am preparing to have some spaghetti and hang out with friends, but first I wanted to catch up with some of the many titles that I’ve neglected over the busy last days of August…
RAPID-FIRE REVIEW TIME!
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Or – “Sir, I Protest! I Am NOT A Merry Man!!!”
Once again, we’ve come to the situation where Stately Spoilers Manor contains far more comics than there are days to review ‘em, leading once again unto the Final Frontier… NUQNEH – NOOKNEHH! Phasers on summarize!
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Or – “Of Course I’m Serious. And Don’t Call Me Shirley.”
Oh say can you see…
By the dawn’s early light!
What so proudly we hail…
In the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose bright stripes and broad stars,
In the perilous night…
For the ramparts we watched,
uh, da-da-da-da-da-daaaa…
And the rocket’s red glare!
Buncha bombs in the air!
Gave proof to the night!
That we still had our flag!
Oh say does that flag banner wave,
Over a-a-all that’s free!
And the home of the land…
And the land of the – FREE!
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Or – “We Hold These Comics To Be Self-Evident…”
Today is American Independence Day, commonly referred to as July 4th, as it takes place on the 4th of July, hence the name, and that’s why the song is called Alice’s Restaurant… To all the faithful Spoilerites of the United States, Happy 4th of July. For those of you who are from elsewhere, sorry about all the hegemony and stuff. Either way, it’s time for another bout of our Rapid Fire Reviews, bite-sized chunks of comics that I either couldn’t write three paragraphs about, or ran out of time to cover. Give us your tired, your poorly drawn, your huddled masses of comics, yearning to be bagged in mylar…
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Or – “Off To Meet My Doom, Mom! See You After School!”
Comic book publishing schedules puzzle me. The Twelve hasn’t come out in what seems like a year, while Agents of Atlas is apparently on a bi-weekly status, and Spider-Man is coming out every sixteen minutes or so. Wolverine alone accounts for half the forests destroyed in the United States every month. The major publishers can’t seem to decide whether it’s a market for the celebrity auteur writer, or whether it’s the characters who sell the books regardless of creator. When Wolverine #73 came out a few weeks ago (before the publication of #72) it occurred to me that the entire industry is run by the pointy-haired boss from Dilbert, and that I should really just relax.
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Or – “OH, GNAAAAAAAAAAARRRRLY!!”
It’s so easy to blow up your problems, it’s so easy to play up your breakdown. It’s so easy to fly through a window, it’s so easy to fool with the sound. Life’s the same, I’m moving in stereo… Life’s the same, except for my shoes. Life’s the same, you’re shakin’ like tremolo. Life’s the same, it’s all inside you. Life’s the same, I’m moving in stereo… Life’s the same, except for my shoes. Life’s the same, you’re shakin’ like tremolo. Life’s the same, it’s all inside you!
Read the rest of this entry »
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Or – “Freakin’ In The Purple Rain With A Flying Hippo!”
Hey, kids! What time is it?
Time to get a new watch!
Return with us now to those glorious days of yesteryear, when comics came out every Wednesday, there was a new car in every a garage, a chicken in every pot, and a pot calling the kettle collect! When the review pile gets high enough to fall over, it’s time for Rapid-Fire REVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW OOOOooooOOOOOO!
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Or – “Additional Revenge of the Return of the Living Monolith!”
Woodland creatures with large-bore ballistic weapons?
Looks like it’s time for another round of RAPID-FIRE REVIEWS! With special guest star, Ted McGinnis! And Jerry Mathers as the Stephen!
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Or – “Cut Me Some Slack, I Been Working For A Promotion…”
My day gig is a study in many things… Management theories. Inappropriate dress. The mating habits of the Bisexuals Of The Plains. But one thing that it is not, and has never been, is uncomplicated. Thus, I have come to you, our Faithful Spoilerites, with another batch of mini-reviews, just like a Chili’s mini-burger entree only less likely to make your @$$ look like a truck. (Also, be aware that I just barely decided not to do this one in limerick form, in honor o’ th’ wearin’ o’ the green…)
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Or – “What Happens When I Continue To Fall Behind On Everything?”
What’s the scraping noise? Looks like the raccoon done busted out the heavy weapons, which means it’s time for another look at some of the comics that were too esoteric, too weird, or too numerous to look at individually: RAPID FIRE REVIEWS! BRAKKA BRAKKA BRAKKA! Make sure that the release lever is elevated, and that the debris shield is down, put on your safety goggles and PREpare… to REview!
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Or – “Wasn’t There Another Reviewer At Major Spoilers? Some Old Dude?”
It’s a little known fact that the month of December contains space-time anomalies that keep you from ever completing anything on time. Add to that a new paradigm at my office, wherein my team load has doubled and my patience halved, a tendency to want to spend time with my friends around the holidays, a scanner that works about half the time and my recent birthday, and I admit it… I may have been neglecting my reviews. Still, t’is nobler in the mind to beg forgiveness than it is to ask permission, so I’m back with a new batch of things you may have already read, but forgot to ask for my opinion on the first time.
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Or – “I Honestly Have NO Idea When These Books Came Out…”
Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends… much like the harassment you get when you wear the pizza suit and dance on the corner in front of a Cici’s. Even when you’re cutting back on comics purchases, like I have, the urge to review more comics than there is time to review them is strong. Makes me with there were 8 days a week, actually. Thus, we at Stately Spoilers Manor have created this handy, dandy method of touching upon things going on at Penny Lane, down the long and winding road, even across the universe. So why don’t we do it in the road, throw some Norwegian wood on the fire, cause it’s a helter skelter ride through a day in the life of comics!
…
Yellow submarine.
Or – “Three Weeks Of Comics In Handy Bite-Sized Servings!”
A side-effect of reading as many comics as I do comes when, after a particulary heavy week of reads, you find all the stories kind of blurring together into one. It makes for some pretty entertaining nightmares as well, like the one where Wonder Woman was guarding the galaxy against marauding zombies who wanted to shape-shift into teenagers and make out while simultaneously refitting all of our cars to fly and emit fire, and also giving our grandparents cyborg limbs that glow in the dark. So, I got that going for me… which is nice.
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