Or - “Three Weeks Of Comics In Handy Bite-Sized Servings!”

A side-effect of reading as many comics as I do comes when, after a particulary heavy week of reads, you find all the stories kind of blurring together into one.  It makes for some pretty entertaining nightmares as well, like the one where Wonder Woman was guarding the galaxy against marauding zombies who wanted to shape-shift into teenagers and make out while simultaneously refitting all of our cars to fly and emit fire, and also giving our grandparents cyborg limbs that glow in the dark.  So, I got that going for me…  which is nice.

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Or - “When They Said, ‘Get A Life,’ I Should Have Said ‘&$@$ YOU!”

So, for those of y’all who were not aware I DO have things on my weekly schedule that are NOT comic-related.  Not many of them, granted, but they do exist.  One of them is my day job, overlooking (I almost typed overworking) twelve awesome telephone service representatives in their day-to-day quest to resolve issues for our beloved customers.  August was a rough month for my guys (nicknamed “Team Ramrod”) and has required me to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about AHT, IR, BP, SV, and other meaningless initials.  In any case, I’m officially back to let you know I can really shake ‘em down, with another smorgasboard-orgasbord-orgasbord of comicky goodness, all wrapped up in heavy weapons and pop-culture references. Yeah, I missed youse guys, too.

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Or - “I Think We Can Be Certain It’s Not Really Final…”

I started to try and write a big clever open, but y’know what? 

RACCOON WITH A HEAVY MACHINE GUN!!!!!

How am I s’pose to top that?

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Or - “Because I’ve Fallen Further Behind Than Ever Before…”

I have to tell you, two weeks of being unable to type without crying like a little girl really makes your work pile up.  The last couple of weeks of comics have been a tumultuous ride, with a whole lot of minor things happening that made me happy.  An old favorite disappoints, while a surprise contender impresses the heck out of me.  British vampires, time-lost Arcturans, underground civilizations, the chupacabra, and a fifty-foot stalk of marijuana await you, beyond the fold!

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Or - “Comics Move Pretty Fast. If Ya Don’t Slow Down Once In A While, You Could Miss ‘Em.“

So, how YOU doin?  When I joined the intrepid staff here at Stately Spoilers Manor, I was a carefree young lad, temping at a dog food company and literally finding myself with hours at work to stare into space.  Ahh, those were the heady days of cafeteria food and three-a-day reviews.  Now that I have a *real* job, my first in several years, I’m horrified to find that I have to spend 8 or 9 hours per day ACTUALLY WORKING.  Uncool, to say the least.  But, the faithful Spoilerites continue to call their siren call, and the review pile continues to expand like the waistline of an Atlantic City call girl (those all-you-can-eat buffets can really add up.)  Thus, I bring you another episode of…  RAPID FIRE REVIEWS!

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Or - “Hell, Man… I Only Have So Much Free Time!”

There seems to be a thing out there called “Real Life.”  It’s composed mostly of things to annoy you and drain your wallet of cash, but sometimes it also feeds on your free time.  One of the joys of this gig is getting to share the wondrous things that happen in comics and split the burdens of that which is terrible, which means I usually bite off more than I can chew in terms of comics that I’d like to review.  Since this has happened yet again, it’s time to play catch-up (because mustard stains the carpet.)

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Or - “Major Spoilers, Major Time Crunch!  I Blame Stephen!”

There’s a couple of reasons why I do what I do here at Major Spoilers…  The first is, I love comics, and I know you do, too.  (See what I did there?)  I want you to look at Wednesdays the same way I do, with a combination of joy, expectation, and “What in the world will they do next?”  Basically, I want to share the love.

Also, and possibly more importantly, I’m an attention whore.  Problem is, I actually have two jobs other than this one, both of which tend to suck a lot of time out of my day.  I’ve fallen waaaaaay behind in my daily reviews (or, honestly, my thrice-a-week reviews, lately) and in order to keep from reviewing things that came out three or four weeks ago, I’ve decided to give you some extra bang for your buck, with a smorgasbord of reviews that I’ve fallen behind on.  It’s something like Friday nights when I was a kid, where you’d have whatever was in the fridge for supper, because nobody’s going to waste their time cooking for ya.  Heck, if it works out, we may do this on a semi-regular basis to remind you of the comics that I probably couldn’t honestly see devoting a whole review to.  And now, ON WE GO!

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