Or - “That’s Right…  Sandy Makes The Cut, Atmos Doesn’t.  My Rules, I Make ‘Em Up.”

When making my final, official, multi-reality, complete roster of the Legion of Super Heroes, I ran afoul of a few conundrums.   Should I count one-issue plot devices like Command Kid or Dynamo Boy as LSHers?  Should I treat the post-reboot Umbra, Leviathan, Alchemist, et al as separate entities from the pre-Crisis Shadow Lass, Colossal Boy, and Element Lad? Could I give the likes of Chemical King or Monstress, with their short tenures, the same kind of gravitas that I hope to impart to Mon-El and Cosmic Boy??  (Your mileage may vary, but I’m trying, Ringo.  I’m tryin’ real hard to be the shepherd…)  And what about Legionnaires whose tenures have gone undocumented, like those during the 5 Year Gap era of the team?  Do they count?  The main thrust of my decisions came down to one important question:  Does the character in question feel like a Legionnaire?  Did he she or it embody that which edifies, elevates, and enlightens?  Could Character X honestly stand alongside Bouncing Boy, Matter-Eater Lad and Tyroc, much less Brainiac 5 or WIldfire?  I’ve been very open from the beginning about the fact that there will be no history of Atmos or Nemesis Kid (at least as Legionnaires…)  I just can’t bring myself to take a character who manipulated his way onto the team and into Nura’s bed by using his “super-roofie” powers, and brought nothing to the Legion save invisible armpits.  Same goes for Val’s murderer.  You may argue that each has his moments, and I agree, but so do many supporting Legion characters (Flynt Brojj, Karate Kid’s sensei, R.J. Brande, etc.) who don’t qualify. Call it “personal continuity,” if you need a name.  And in that vein, today’s Hero History entrant is an unusual case.  She served alongside the team without ever really seeming to belong, and her unpleasantness and snark weren’t the attitude you expected from a member of the LSH.  Yet, somehow, she proved herself to the team, and to me, and was allowed to wear the much-vaunted Legion crest and flight ring.  This then, is your Major Spoilers Hero History of the girl who might be Sandy Anderson of Earth…  Inferno!

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Or - “Finally, We Find Out What The Deal Is With “That Little Spaceship Guy!”

The Legion of Super-Heroes, throughout the decades, has taken influence from a lot of sources, and often those influences have had as much in common with Star Trek and it’s ilk as it has had with the Justice League or the Avengers.  Certainly the 30th century setting of the team has allowed the Legion to have had more non-human members (Blok, Tellus, Gates, even Dawnstar and Wildfire are quite obviously NOT your average super-goober) than any other super-team, and today’s entrant is one of the most inhuman of all.  Gates may not have been a humanoid, but at least he’s a SOLID.  Of all the Legionnaires, he/she/it brought a truly alien viewpoint to the team, along with an awesome sense of fun and a genuine humor seldom seen since Bouncing Boy and Matter-Eater Lad left the team so many years ago.  Though short in tenure, and small in stature, today’s Legionnaire entrant nonetheless made a mark on the team (and a marked change in one of the most tenured LSHers) that could not be ignored…  This, then, is your Major Spoilers Hero History of  of Teall…  Quislet!

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Or - “Some Are Born To A Legacy, Some Have Their Legacy Thrust Upon Them…”

Last time ’round, we looked at a hero who was a literal younger brother of one of the founding Legionnaires.  This week, we look at a metaphorical brother of one of the earliest Legionnaires.  Lyle Norg’s death stands among the Legion’s greatest tragedies, and for many years the LSH was without an invisible member.  It took the return of one of the team’s greatest nemeses to create a situation where Lyle’s serum could once again save the day, with a little boost of courage, some tenacity, and a heap of filial affection.  This, then, is your Major Spoilers Hero History of Jacques Foccart of Earth…  Invisible Kid!

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Or - “More Than Just The Kid Brother…”

One of the things that really sets the Legion of Super-Heroes apart from other books, historically speaking, was the fact that the characters were allowed to age.  As the teens of the Legion grew up, they paired off, married, reproduced, and had lives.  Unlike most comic characters, the Legionnaires were allowed to organically grow and change.  So, it was natural that, eventually, even the founding members would leave the team.  But when Legion founder Cosmic Boy retired, another ferromagnetic hero stepped into the fray to replace him, and found his path to be a difficult walk through the shadow of big brother.  Still, he managed to distance himself from the spectre of a successful sibling, and eventually saved his team during one of it’s darkest hours.  This, then, is your Major Spoilers Hero History of Pol Krinn of Braal… Magnetic Kid!

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Or - “Comics Move Pretty Fast. If Ya Don’t Slow Down Once In A While, You Could Miss ‘Em.“

So, how YOU doin?  When I joined the intrepid staff here at Stately Spoilers Manor, I was a carefree young lad, temping at a dog food company and literally finding myself with hours at work to stare into space.  Ahh, those were the heady days of cafeteria food and three-a-day reviews.  Now that I have a *real* job, my first in several years, I’m horrified to find that I have to spend 8 or 9 hours per day ACTUALLY WORKING.  Uncool, to say the least.  But, the faithful Spoilerites continue to call their siren call, and the review pile continues to expand like the waistline of an Atlantic City call girl (those all-you-can-eat buffets can really add up.)  Thus, I bring you another episode of…  RAPID FIRE REVIEWS!

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Or - “If You Had Powder Blue Skin, You’d Probably Show Off Too…”

Talok VIII is an anomaly in the worlds of the Legion. It’s a hidden, backwater world of swords and sorcery, the kind of place that Red Sonja or Claw the Unconquered wouldn’t feel at all out of place, and it’s favorite daughter has a tendency to dress in a manner that would befit Sonja as well. As with last week’s entrant, she was that rarest of Legionnaire stories, a hero so successful that she was offered LSH membership in the middle of a mission. She was also a part of the Legion’s longest and most successful romance, standing by her man in the face of madness, death, even the unraveling of their very universe. Like the darkness she manipulates, today’s historical subject inspires fear in some, and a deep calm in others. She’s loyal, powerful, and chockful of surprises, a feat in itself for a woman wearing less fabric than my average pair of socks. This, then, is your Major Spoilers Hero History of Tasmia Mallor of Talok VIII… Shadow Lass!

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Or - “Shvaughn?  Is That You?”

My new manager Deon (who is wrong only half as often as Tom Grice, but only about 1/3 as pretty) and I got to talking the other day about the work of Jim Shooter, a writer whose work bounces all over the spectrum.  For every Harbinger, Rai, or ‘Adventure Comics’-era Legion, there is a ‘Hank Pym punches Janet’ moment, a ‘Shadow State,’ or “MORE GORE FOR THE ORG!!!”  Whichever Jim Shooter you get writes tightly plotted yarns with nice character bits, but the overall effect of the writing varies wildly, as anyone who ever read ‘Plasm’ can attest.  Which Jim is onboard for this new run of Legion?

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Or - “The Fair Witch Project.”

The Legion of Super-Heroes covers a lot of different takes on heroism, but the one thing that they all seem to share is the affinity for science.  From the “ultra-energy” that imbues Jo Nah, to Wildfire’s transformation to pure antimatter, to the accident that empowered Lighting Lass and her brother, the vagaries of science (or at least the strange comic book version thereof) have served as the origin of many Legionnaires.  Indeed, with the bright and shiny future setting, that’s as it should be.  So today’s Historical subject is an anomaly from the get-go, holding the honor of being one of the only Legionnaires to start out as a villain, as well as being the first full-fledged magician in Legion history.  She stood down with the most powerful creatures in the galaxy, matched up in courage with the greatest heroes the Legion has to offer, and did it with style and grace.  This, then, is your Major Spoilers Hero History of Mysa Nal of Naltor…  The White Witch.

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Or - “The Thirtieth Century’s Answer To Donny And Marie…”

One of the unavoidable biases inherent in our Terra-centric translation of the events of the various 30th Centuries has been the fact that many more Legionnaires come from Earth than from any other planet.  With Karate Kid, Wildfire, Sun Boy, both Invisible Kids, Bouncing Boy, Ferro Lad, Tyroc, as well as a host of shorter-lived Legionnaires, Sol III holds the record for gestating LSH members, but planet Xanthu (home of Star Boy, Monstress, Atmos, 50% of the rebooted Wildfire, and today’s dual entrants) has a strong heroic tradition of it’s own.  Heck, in some early LSH stories, the team is shown to have their headquarters on Xanthu rather than Earth, though I can’t say for sure if those references are in any way considered canonical.  Though today’s historical subjects weren’t the most long-lived of Legionnaires, and to be honest, sometimes they weren’t the most likable, but both took the challenge of joining the galaxy’s greatest hero team seriously.  One of them inspired the Legion to become a stronger organization, and the other LED the team during some of its’ darkest hours.  This, then, is your Major Spoilers Hero History of James and Jazmin Cullen of Xanthu… Kid Quantum!

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Or - “In Small Things, We Reveal Ourselves As We Truly Are…”

One of the things for which the 30th Century has never lacked is strong female characters.  From the steely nature of Legion founder Saturn Girl, to the tenacity of Dream Girl, to the self-determination of Dawnstar and beyond, the females of the LSH are every single iota the match for their male colleagues.  But with that many dominant personalities on one place, someone is bound to end up in the shadows.  Today’s Historical subject spent the greater part of her Legion career in the shadow of her own relationships, from her first teenage crush, to a relationship with her polar opposite, (power-wise, anyway) to her involvement in the Legion’s first openly homosexual relationship, she’s been defined as much by her other half as by any intrinsic aspect of herself.  But that doesn’t lessen the impact she has had on the team, nor does it in any way eclipse her heroism.  There’s an old cliche that comes to mind about good things and the relative size of their packaging that comes briefly to mind before sensibly departing, but it’s point is still valid:  Size needn’t matter.  This, then, is your Major Spoilers Hero History of Salu Digby of Imsk…  Shrinking Violet!

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Or - “Further Adventures In A World Without Tom Welling…”

Today’s Hero History marks a watershed in our examination of the history of the Legion.  For the first time, we’re actually going to be looking at THREE different women, bound by a common origin and name, but who are NOT precisely the same character.  Previous Hero Histories have dealt with Legionnaires who might as well have been different individuals between Legion incarnations (Element Lad and Triplicate Girl come to mind) but today’s entrant takes that to the extreme.  In her tenure(s) with the LSH, she showed courage unparalleled, ingenuity without peer, and a heroic core that had to overcome some rather large interpersonal difficulties.  She also had a penchant for thong/loincloth uniforms years before every single female member of Youngblood went the same way, proving herself to be an innovator…  for good or for ill.  This, then, is your Major Spoilers Hero History of Laurel Gand of Daxam…  Andromeda!

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Or - “Will Anything Ever Be As Awesome As The Things We Did When We Were 13?”

When I was around that age, my favorite things included 1,000,000 Dollar Bars, Playboy Magazine, Choose Your Own Adventure Books, and the movie “The Black Hole.”  Now, the chocolate is too sweet, the magazine not nearly as worldly and wise as I had thought, the books predictable and maudlin, and even the wonder that was “The Black Hole” is marred by my internal cinematographer ripping the scenes apart, critiquing the dialogue, and noticing the primitive pre-digital special effects.  When Jim Shooter was 13, he was writing the Legion of Super-Heroes and generating legendary stories every month.  But, the question becomes, how has HIS teenage wasteland aged?

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Or - “An Ocean Is A Desert With Life Underground, And The Perfect Disguise Above…”

Sometimes we set ourselves a challenge that we cannot easily overcome.  With the heroes of the Legion, it’s generally a challenge of will, involving combat or the evil machinations of agents of chaos like the Fatal Five.  In my case, it’s the realization that there are nearly 100 Legionnaires, and that some of them never actually got their defining moment in the spotlight.  Some might consider this to be a liability and write off those particular LSHers as deadweight.  Not on my watch, Faithful Spoilerites.  Be it Chemical King’s isolationism, or the alien philosophies of Blok, or even a short-timer Legionnaire like Monstress (a long story which I’ll get to later) this is where every one of the Legion’s stalwarts (except the jack@$$ known as Atmos and the traitorous perverted worm they call Nemesis Kid) get their due.  Today’s entrant joined during one of the Legion’s most prosperous and expansive periods, and as such, he wasn’t often front and center in Legion lore.  Even so, he proved himself to be a worthy choice for the team, proving that even non-bipeds can take up arms against injustice.  This, then, is your Major Spoiler Hero History of Ganglios of Hykraius…  Tellus!

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Or - “Living Proof That The Powers Do Not Always Make The Hero…”

In a very real way, to study the history of today’s subject is to study the history of the Legion itself.  Initially a smiling young teen with what I’ll charitably call “limited” superhuman abilities, she was at the center of one of the LSH’s first great tragedies.  When the team began growing up and dealing with responsibility, she was the first Legionnaire to marry and take on an adult role.  When the team began actively recruiting and training young heroes, she took on a leadership position, and was crucial (even after having been INACTIVE for years) to one of the team’s most difficult missions.  Her sense of self (selves?) may have been occasionally suspect, but her sense of heroism and her willingness to put herself in harm’s way to protect her teammates and friends make her memorable.  Add to that the fact that she overcame a crush on the archetypical teen idol stereotype in a red cape to find true and long-lasting love with Bouncing Boy (who even I, BB’s biggest fan, realize isn’t exactly crush-fodder) reveals the character underneath that Eve Arden haircut.  She’s a study in contrasts, a walking diorama of internal conflict, and she’s not afraid to wear purple and orange together.  This, then, is your Major Spoilers Hero History of Luornu Durgo of Carggg…  Triplicate Girl!

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The CW has sent Major Spoilers another round of images from this weekend’s episode of The Legion of Super Heroes. This is the first half of the two part series finale.

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