Archive for the ‘Guardians of The Galaxy’ Category
Or – “I Decided To Trick Or Treat With My Kid Instead… Sorry.”
The MUSIC MEEEISSSSTERRRR! Sing the song that the world wants to heeeear! Man, I’ve had that stuck in my head for WEEKS, now. This particular RFR was meant to go up last week, just in time for the annual festival of half-price chocolate, but various things conspired to keep me from completing it until today. For those of you who can’t get enough comic review goodness, I’ve got the cowbell to slake your fever, and it’s time to ask ourselves, baby, what’s the word? In the words of the great philosopher Aloysius Bundy: “Let’s ROCK.”
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Or – “Time, Time, Time… See What’s Become Of Me…”
When Pete Quill’s ragtag group of cosmic-types took on the name Guardians of the Galaxy, there was already a team in the Marvel Universe by that name… Or at least there will have been one, in the 31st Century. The original GotG were a group of oppressed Freedom Fighters under the rule of the Badoon, a race of what seemed to be barbarian space-lizards. Since they won’t be around for about another thousand years, give or take, who exactly do you suppose the people in that picture are?
Or – “Most People Don’t Know That His Full Name Is Manuel Labór.”
So, I have completed my daily labors, overseeing the dozen fellers and gals what make up the current workgroup to call themselves Team RamRod (”See, you’re Arkot Ramathorn… Ram. And I’m Rodney Farva… Rod. Team RamRod!”) and I am preparing to have some spaghetti and hang out with friends, but first I wanted to catch up with some of the many titles that I’ve neglected over the busy last days of August…
RAPID-FIRE REVIEW TIME!
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Or – “Sir, I Protest! I Am NOT A Merry Man!!!”
Once again, we’ve come to the situation where Stately Spoilers Manor contains far more comics than there are days to review ‘em, leading once again unto the Final Frontier… NUQNEH – NOOKNEHH! Phasers on summarize!
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Or – “We Hold These Comics To Be Self-Evident…”
Today is American Independence Day, commonly referred to as July 4th, as it takes place on the 4th of July, hence the name, and that’s why the song is called Alice’s Restaurant… To all the faithful Spoilerites of the United States, Happy 4th of July. For those of you who are from elsewhere, sorry about all the hegemony and stuff. Either way, it’s time for another bout of our Rapid Fire Reviews, bite-sized chunks of comics that I either couldn’t write three paragraphs about, or ran out of time to cover. Give us your tired, your poorly drawn, your huddled masses of comics, yearning to be bagged in mylar…
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Or – “Off To Meet My Doom, Mom! See You After School!”
Comic book publishing schedules puzzle me. The Twelve hasn’t come out in what seems like a year, while Agents of Atlas is apparently on a bi-weekly status, and Spider-Man is coming out every sixteen minutes or so. Wolverine alone accounts for half the forests destroyed in the United States every month. The major publishers can’t seem to decide whether it’s a market for the celebrity auteur writer, or whether it’s the characters who sell the books regardless of creator. When Wolverine #73 came out a few weeks ago (before the publication of #72) it occurred to me that the entire industry is run by the pointy-haired boss from Dilbert, and that I should really just relax.
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Or – “Freakin’ In The Purple Rain With A Flying Hippo!”
Hey, kids! What time is it?
Time to get a new watch!
Return with us now to those glorious days of yesteryear, when comics came out every Wednesday, there was a new car in every a garage, a chicken in every pot, and a pot calling the kettle collect! When the review pile gets high enough to fall over, it’s time for Rapid-Fire REVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW OOOOooooOOOOOO!
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Or – “Additional Revenge of the Return of the Living Monolith!”
Woodland creatures with large-bore ballistic weapons?
Looks like it’s time for another round of RAPID-FIRE REVIEWS! With special guest star, Ted McGinnis! And Jerry Mathers as the Stephen!
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Or – “Three Stories, No Waiting…”
Right now, the Guardians have broken up, and varous factions thereof are engaged in individual missions throughout known space. Phyla-Vell and Drax The Destroyer have set off in search of the one woman they both love: Heather Douglas, the creature known as Moondragon. Of course, the presence of a dead guy about to squot Phyla’s head like a punkin with his fist of cosmic awesomeness could possibly imply that there has been a snag in this particular quest…
Or – “Cut Me Some Slack, I Been Working For A Promotion…”
My day gig is a study in many things… Management theories. Inappropriate dress. The mating habits of the Bisexuals Of The Plains. But one thing that it is not, and has never been, is uncomplicated. Thus, I have come to you, our Faithful Spoilerites, with another batch of mini-reviews, just like a Chili’s mini-burger entree only less likely to make your @$$ look like a truck. (Also, be aware that I just barely decided not to do this one in limerick form, in honor o’ th’ wearin’ o’ the green…)
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Or – “Wasn’t There Another Reviewer At Major Spoilers? Some Old Dude?”
It’s a little known fact that the month of December contains space-time anomalies that keep you from ever completing anything on time. Add to that a new paradigm at my office, wherein my team load has doubled and my patience halved, a tendency to want to spend time with my friends around the holidays, a scanner that works about half the time and my recent birthday, and I admit it… I may have been neglecting my reviews. Still, t’is nobler in the mind to beg forgiveness than it is to ask permission, so I’m back with a new batch of things you may have already read, but forgot to ask for my opinion on the first time.
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I feel confident when I say this, I think we’ve found a new logo for Matthew’s Rapid-Fire Roundup of Reviews. And I think you’ll agree after taking a peek at the covers for the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy issue from Marvel. The issue kicks off a whole new story arc for the team called War of Kings.
Or – “Three Weeks Of Comics In Handy Bite-Sized Servings!”
A side-effect of reading as many comics as I do comes when, after a particulary heavy week of reads, you find all the stories kind of blurring together into one. It makes for some pretty entertaining nightmares as well, like the one where Wonder Woman was guarding the galaxy against marauding zombies who wanted to shape-shift into teenagers and make out while simultaneously refitting all of our cars to fly and emit fire, and also giving our grandparents cyborg limbs that glow in the dark. So, I got that going for me… which is nice.
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Marvel has announced that Guardians of the Galaxy #3 sold out at Diamond, prompting the company to go back to press with a new variant cover.
Or – “Because I’ve Fallen Further Behind Than Ever Before…”
I have to tell you, two weeks of being unable to type without crying like a little girl really makes your work pile up. The last couple of weeks of comics have been a tumultuous ride, with a whole lot of minor things happening that made me happy. An old favorite disappoints, while a surprise contender impresses the heck out of me. British vampires, time-lost Arcturans, underground civilizations, the chupacabra, and a fifty-foot stalk of marijuana await you, beyond the fold!
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