It’s Wednesday, which means another roundup of rumors out of Tinsel Town. This week it’s all about Transformers, Iron Man, and Megan Fox. She’s a new Hollywood category now, right?
Or - “Off To Meet My Doom, Mom! See You After School!”
Comic book publishing schedules puzzle me. The Twelve hasn’t come out in what seems like a year, while Agents of Atlas is apparently on a bi-weekly status, and Spider-Man is coming out every sixteen minutes or so. Wolverine alone accounts for half the forests destroyed in the United States every month. The major publishers can’t seem to decide whether it’s a market for the celebrity auteur writer, or whether it’s the characters who sell the books regardless of creator. When Wolverine #73 came out a few weeks ago (before the publication of #72) it occurred to me that the entire industry is run by the pointy-haired boss from Dilbert, and that I should really just relax.
I just don’t get Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers, nor do I understand the people that are wetting themselves over this title. Are these the same people that thought Marvel Apes was a good idea? In any case, Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers assembled themselves for a debut sellout, according to Marvel. This has prompted the company to go back to press with a variant cover by Ig Guara.
The reprint arrives Juen 17, 2009.
Or - “Freakin’ In The Purple Rain With A Flying Hippo!”
Hey, kids! What time is it?
Time to get a new watch!
Return with us now to those glorious days of yesteryear, when comics came out every Wednesday, there was a new car in every a garage, a chicken in every pot, and a pot calling the kettle collect! When the review pile gets high enough to fall over, it’s time for Rapid-Fire REVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW OOOOooooOOOOOO!
Or - “I Coulda Sworn I’ve Reviewed Avengers Twice This Week Already?”
– MAJOR SPOILERS EXCLUSIVE: THE MISSING DIALOGUE FROM THIS WEEK’S COVER –
Hulk: “Raaar!
Vision: “0101110111010.
Hulk: “Raaar!”
Vision: ”011011100110111100.”
Hulk: “RAAARRR!!!!”
Vision: “Yo mamasan!”
Hulk: “My mamasan?”
Vision: “Sho’ nuff.”
Hulk: *SMASHES ENTIRE BUILDING*
Vision: “Well, I can dig where you’re coming from…” *Grabs the suitcase and heads upstairs*
Or - “The Triumphant Return Of Avengers Double-Feature!”
With so much drama in the L.B.C. Marvel Universe to date, something that seems to have fallen by the wayside is the revelation that Doctor Strange is no longer considered fit to be Sorceror Supreme. This opens up all sorts of storytelling possibilities, just like it did in 1989 when alien mage Urthona took over the position of S.S. from Doc, but in this case it seems that the replacement is going to be somewhat more local…
Or - “Cut Me Some Slack, I Been Working For A Promotion…”
My day gig is a study in many things… Management theories. Inappropriate dress. The mating habits of the Bisexuals Of The Plains. But one thing that it is not, and has never been, is uncomplicated. Thus, I have come to you, our Faithful Spoilerites, with another batch of mini-reviews, just like a Chili’s mini-burger entree only less likely to make your @$$ look like a truck. (Also, be aware that I just barely decided not to do this one in limerick form, in honor o’ th’ wearin’ o’ the green…)
The Norse god isn’t going to be too happy with the news that Marvel has bumped the release dates for the Thor and Avengers movies back by almost an entire year. Thor, which was scheduled to be released in June, 2010, now has a July, 2011 release date, while the Avengers are getting moved to May of 2012 — which is just about the time that final issue of Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk hits the shelves.
Execs did not offer a reason for the deferrals; Marvel Studios chairman David Maisel said only that the move “maximizes the visibility of our single character-focused films, leading to the highly anticipated release of the multicharacter ‘The Avengers’ film in 2012.”
In other words, the company is choosing wisely to release one or two films a year instead of bunching everything up to maximize its return on investment. In this current economy, at a time when a film like Watchmen didn’t open as high as expected, hedging its bets and shifting release dates seems appropriate. A yearly release will keep fans happy, and ensures we have something to look forward to for the next three years.
(above image by Ben Towle)
Or - “This Ought To Be Interesting…”
The post-Secret Invasion landscape of the Marvel Universe has set Norman Osborn and the New Avengers on a collision course. Having stolen their names, their costume, their credibility, and their very identities, naturally the team wants a little bit of payback. Having saved baby Danielle Cage from capture, Captain America and his new team now have to contend with the realization that, this time, the odds aren’t in their favor…
Doctor Strange has to fight to get regain the title of Sorcerer Supreme, and the Avengers are going to help him take it back from the Dark Avengers. Sounds like we’re headed to a smack down of magical proportions, and Marvel has sent us a sneak peek of the upcoming New Avengers #51.
Or “Sweet Christmas.”
He was born Carl Lucas in the streets of New York’s roughest neighborhood. Bad decisions and bad friends led him to Seagate Prison, where a freak chemical accident changed his fortunes forever. Returning to New York with a new name, steel-hard skin, and a desire to keep others from treading his path to near-destruction, Luke Cage became Power Man, fighting the good fight in his own inimitable way, and proving that sometimes street-smarts can take you as far as raw Tony Stark intellect. Last issue, the unthinkable happened, as the loss of his beloved baby caused Luke to go to Norman Osborn, giving up everything to save his child… Can a simple offer that can’t be refused be the nail that ends the heroic career of the former Power Man?
Or - “Avengers, Continue To Assemble!”
In the decades since the Avengers first formed to take on the threat of Loki, there have been some really unusual lineups. With another giant crossover event behind us, it’s time for new membership, and this issue’s cover promises the return of not only a woman who killed three of her teammates, and wiped out the mutant population of Marvel Earth, but a robot infused with the brain patterns of a dead woman, and a man with multiple personality disorder who has recently named himself after his deceased spouse. I wonder if Marvel can copyright “Mighty Odd Avengers?”
Or - “The Answer To The Question We’ve All Been Asking…”
Since the return of the heroes duplicated by Skrulls, my particular corner of comics fandom has been asking the question: Could this be Marvel’s way of writing the spousal abuse out of the backstory of one of their founding Avengers? The answer comes this issue, along with some other surprises, and at least one moment of pure shock, and a wonderful moment for an old supporting character that pushes her towards top-tier status… Whattaya waiting for? Click and let’s get goin’!
Or - “What Happens When I Continue To Fall Behind On Everything?”
What’s the scraping noise? Looks like the raccoon done busted out the heavy weapons, which means it’s time for another look at some of the comics that were too esoteric, too weird, or too numerous to look at individually: RAPID FIRE REVIEWS! BRAKKA BRAKKA BRAKKA! Make sure that the release lever is elevated, and that the debris shield is down, put on your safety goggles and PREpare… to REview!
Or - “Skrullian Flashback Theatre Is Now Over…”
Now we get to watch the heroes talk for 30 pages about things that already happened …
If you haven’t been keeping tabs of Sillof and what he’s doing in the custom action figure arena, you’ve already missed out on his Justice League by Gaslight. For a while now, he’s been working on the Avengers, and he’s completed both Thor and Iron Man.
This was designed as a companion piece of sorts to my Gaslight Justice League. I am actually more of a Marvel fan then a DC fan. The line is Victorian in nature, with slight industrial elements, and a flair of the American West of the 1800’s. It is all designed to be a little more realistic and little less “superhero-ish” then my Gaslight figures.
Both of these look great, and I look forward to seeing the first Victorian meetup between JLA and Avengers.
Or - “Wasn’t There Another Reviewer At Major Spoilers? Some Old Dude?”
It’s a little known fact that the month of December contains space-time anomalies that keep you from ever completing anything on time. Add to that a new paradigm at my office, wherein my team load has doubled and my patience halved, a tendency to want to spend time with my friends around the holidays, a scanner that works about half the time and my recent birthday, and I admit it… I may have been neglecting my reviews. Still, t’is nobler in the mind to beg forgiveness than it is to ask permission, so I’m back with a new batch of things you may have already read, but forgot to ask for my opinion on the first time.
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